Tuesday, September 21, 2010
A Woman was out to fishing on one day. She throw a hook into the river. After sometime She found a big golden fish in a trap. The golden fish said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you threewishes. The woman freed the fish and the fish said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for,your husband will get it ten times! The woman said, "That's okay." For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The fish warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world ." The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me. So, she'became the most beautiful Woman in the world! For her second wish she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The fish said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you. The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine. And she became the richest woman in the world! The fish then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack. Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't under estimate them. Female readers : This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good. Male readers, continuereading............. The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife. Moral of the story: Women think they're so smart. Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show. If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!! . . . As she just done!!. . .
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Do or not to Do....
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with your partner about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you will be afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.
8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are: You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
11. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.
12. And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan.
13. The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with your partner about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you will be afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.
8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are: You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
11. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.
12. And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan.
13. The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.
Friday, September 17, 2010
What is Gender of Computer ???!
A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
- House for instance, is feminine: la casa. Pencil, however, is masculine: el lápiz.
A student asked what gender is computer. Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.
The mens group decided that computer should definitely be of the feminine gender (la computadora), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
The women’s group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine (el computador), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still cant think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The women won.
- House for instance, is feminine: la casa. Pencil, however, is masculine: el lápiz.
A student asked what gender is computer. Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.
The mens group decided that computer should definitely be of the feminine gender (la computadora), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
The women’s group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine (el computador), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still cant think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The women won.
Don t Give Up......
One day I decided to quit...I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality...... I wanted to quit my life.
I went to the woods to have one last talk with God. "God", I asked, "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"
His answer really surprised me...
"Look around", He said to me..
Dou see that fern and the bamboo, He told me.
Yes, I said.
Firstly I planted its seed, and after I take care of it a lot, he said.
I gave them light. I gave them water. The fern quickly grew from the earth. . Its brilliant green covered the floor. Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed even I am not to quit bamboo. In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful. . And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed but I did not quit the bamboo He said me.
"Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant...But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall. It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive.
I would never give not any challenge to my creation that he can not handle. The bamboo had a different purpose than the fern. Yet they both make the forest beautiful, He said.
"Your time will come", God said to me. "You will rise to the high, he said.
"How high should I rise?" I asked.
"How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.
And I understand the true meaning of being here, in the world.
Never, never give up…..
Don’t tell the god that how big your problem is, only remember how a big God you have for the problems.
Aamin……
I went to the woods to have one last talk with God. "God", I asked, "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"
His answer really surprised me...
"Look around", He said to me..
Dou see that fern and the bamboo, He told me.
Yes, I said.
Firstly I planted its seed, and after I take care of it a lot, he said.
I gave them light. I gave them water. The fern quickly grew from the earth. . Its brilliant green covered the floor. Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed even I am not to quit bamboo. In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful. . And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed but I did not quit the bamboo He said me.
"Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant...But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall. It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive.
I would never give not any challenge to my creation that he can not handle. The bamboo had a different purpose than the fern. Yet they both make the forest beautiful, He said.
"Your time will come", God said to me. "You will rise to the high, he said.
"How high should I rise?" I asked.
"How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.
And I understand the true meaning of being here, in the world.
Never, never give up…..
Don’t tell the god that how big your problem is, only remember how a big God you have for the problems.
Aamin……
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